Murphy’s law strikes yet again

Of all the great lines Erma Bombeck ever wrote, this one is my favorite:

&uot;You can dress us up, put us at the head table, make us look important and still, if someone sneezes, we will pull a half unwound roll of toilet paper out of our purse and hand it to them.&uot;

That just seems to sum up a lot of things lately.

Maybe it’s politics or maybe it’s just that time of year, but it seems there is just too much to do now days and not enough time to do it.

The result, at least for me, is things are getting half-done and in the end, I’m the one who ends up with proverbial egg on her face.

In other words, I seem to be pulling out a lot of toilet paper from my purse.

I guess that’s one of life’s little truisms, though – too much to do and not enough time to do it.

There are others, of course, such as:

If you write about any controversial topic, both sides will accuse you of favoring their opponent’s side.

If you put two socks in the dryer, only one will come out.

You will encounter a train, wreck or yak in the road only if you are running late for work or an important appointment.

You will get sick on vacation, but recover in time to go back to work.

Anything that tastes really good is really fattening.

Your hair will never look exactly right again one minute after leaving the beauty salon.

The article of clothing that you like in the store is not on sale, not your size, or, the most dreaded of all, has no price tag on it at all, prompting mass confusion in the check out line.

I guess you can sum it up this way: Murphy was right. If it can go wrong, it will.

Case in point: Several years ago, I was called on to speak in front of a rather large crowd at a mid-morning meeting.

I was sitting in the back of the room and had to get up, walk to the front, climb steps leading up to the podium and then deliver a speech.

The steps were located right in front of the podium, smack in the center of the stage.

I made my speech, thinking I had wowed the crowd with my marvelous and inspiring words.

I walked back down the steps and went back to my seat, only to discover a large and prominent run in the back of my dark, black stockings.

All I could think about were the hundreds of people listening to my speech while thinking &uot;Poor thing.

She has no idea she just got up in front of 100 people with a big run in the back of her hose.&uot;

At least no one sneezed during my speech.

The roll of toilet paper is safely tucked away in my purse if they did, though.

Leada DeVaney is the publisher and president of Hartselle Newspapers Inc., which publishes the Hartselle Enquirer and the Madison County Record. She is the former managing editor of the Shelby County Reporter