Elks Lodge holds benefit in honor of former fire chief

Published 3:21 pm Friday, July 2, 2010

I thought I had seen it all until I attended a womanless beauty pageant.

Tim and Pat Miller hosted the night of music, entertainment and laughter for Calera Elks’ Womanless Beauty Pageant.

Rhonda Broadhead opened the night, thanking those attending and said, “All money raised will benefit the Leukemia Society in memory of Tommy Moon.”

Moon’s wife, Hilda, said, “Tommy was overwhelmed by the community support during his sickness. I wish the benefit was in honor of him, but his memory lives with us.”

Nine contestants competed for the beauty title. All were up on the latest fashions, but none had heard of body waxing.

They were presented onstage and answered randomly selected questions. Their responses have been edited.

Mercedes’ black gown with low cut back revealed a bright green undergarment.

Asked how she would use money won in a lottery to help the less fortunate, her answer was to enhance her bust. When asked how that benefited the poor, she could not answer.

Pinky strode out to the song, “Pretty Woman,” and that she was. Asked what word best described her, she answered, “Sexy.” Her life goal is to meet Hugh Hefner.

Carlene, wearing a low cut black gown, stood confidently at the mike. Asked to name her best quality, she thought a moment then asked for a different question.

Imaman, dressed in a high-neck periwinkle dress, matching headband and pearls, danced across the stage. She was dumbfounded by her question.

“This is my first pageant,” she pleaded to the judges.

Thelma’s hobby is collecting belly button lint. Asked if she ever had been dumped by a man and how she handled it, she responded with a direction.

Cotton Candy works for carnivals. Her answer to what she wanted to do in life involved a career change.

Sabrina’s sequin dress handsomely displayed her tattoos. Asked if she considered herself a giver or taker, she said definitely a giver, “but likes receiving too.”

Elvira moved confidently with her boa accessory. Asked where she would take someone in her city, she said to the river because she does not live in a city.

Maxine wants to make the most of life by finishing school, marrying rich and having lots of babies. A panel of three judges gave Elvira the Miss Congeniality title. Carlene won third alternate, Mercedes second alternate, Pinky first alternate and Imaman was crowned queen.

Bea Brantley coordinated the pageant, which raised $403.